Stuffing vs Appropriate Emotional Expression
Video Notes
Emotions are very strange and mysterious, and sometimes very violent. Murders are committed and wars rage for years basically because of emotion. We need to deal with our emotions, or our emotions will deal with us.
Emotional Regulation is the ability to regulate your emotions so that they will remain stable and not become labile – up and down and all over the place – uncontrolled, unmanageable.
The best sign of mental health is the ability to regulate your emotions – to control and express your emotions appropriately.
Emotionalism – not regulating your emotions – is indeed a dangerous and harmful thing.
But many people go to the other extreme and “stuff” or suppress their emotions from their consciousness to the point where they are unaware of their feelings or emotions.
Many of these people believe that suppressing their emotions is a safe and effective way to “regulate” their emotions. But, stuffing your emotions is not regulating your emotions.
Stuffing your emotions is harmful. Regulating your emotions is healthy.
Learning how to identify and express your emotions appropriately, as opposed to stuffing or denying your emotions, is the key to healthy emotion regulation.
We “stuff” our emotions when we find them too difficult to process. This works in the short term, as in an emergency where you need to set your emotions aside and handle a situation intelligently.
But if we continue to stuff emotions, it will cause a crisis in the long term. What often works and can be necessary in the short term should not necessarily be carried into the long term.
Techniques that are often successful in the short term usually backfire when used in the long term.
The replacement behavior for stuffing is: APPROPRIATE EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION.
To express an emotion appropriately, you first must identify the emotion correctly.
Most people are unfamiliar with the many nuanced emotions they feel throughout the day.
There are many different colors and shades that expand and complicate the six basic human emotions of happiness, sadness, fear, surprise, anger, and disgust.
We would all benefit by expanding our emotional vocabulary, so that we could better identify and understand the specific emotions we experience and then could express them more appropriately.
The first step in identifying our emotions is to be more aware of them – stop stuffing them. Face them. Get to know them. This is known as “Interoceptive Awareness” – self-awareness, aware of your emotions, which is connected to your physiological responses in various situations.
Interoceptive awareness is critical for regulating your emotions.
Disruptions in interoceptive awareness contribute to various mental and physical health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and chronic pain.
Cultivating and improving your interoceptive awareness is very beneficial to your health and overall well-being.
A technique used to gain emotional awareness is the acronym: H.A.L.T.
You need to learn how to recognize when you are too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. These are the states in which you may be emotionally charged, but unaware of it.
This involves learning how to read your own physical and emotional responses so that you can take care of that issue before you try to solve any other problem.
One of the most important sentences that we can learn to state correctly is: “I feel _______.”
Many times, simply acknowledging the way we feel in a given situation reduces our stress level significantly and we feel better, because it gives us a sense of empowerment.
By admitting that you are feeling a certain way, you take upon yourself the responsibility of your own emotional responses.
This is essential, because what we often do under stress is attack or blame someone else for our unpleasant emotional state – for making us feel bad.
Another technique used to gain emotional awareness is: Fact, Feeling, Follow through.
In any stressful interpersonal situation:
If we do not take responsibility for our feelings, and we fail to ask the other person for a change in a respectful way, we will often resort to attacking that person with an insult or an accusation -- and a power struggle ensues. Things are said inappropriately. Feelings are hurt. The relationship suffers.
So, the first step to expressing yourself appropriately (regulating your emotions) is to acknowledge your emotions when they rise up in your heart. Be able to say, “I feel (fill-in-the-blank).”
By learning how to identify and express your feelings appropriately as they arise, you will find not only a sense of freedom, but also a sense of self-mastery that you never imagined possible.
Note: Self-mastery is the victory over the formerly dysfunctional self. It is self-control or temperance in regard to harmful emotions – harmful to yourself, harmful to others, and especially harmful to your relationships.
Emotional Regulation is the ability to regulate your emotions so that they will remain stable and not become labile – up and down and all over the place – uncontrolled, unmanageable.
The best sign of mental health is the ability to regulate your emotions – to control and express your emotions appropriately.
Emotionalism – not regulating your emotions – is indeed a dangerous and harmful thing.
But many people go to the other extreme and “stuff” or suppress their emotions from their consciousness to the point where they are unaware of their feelings or emotions.
Many of these people believe that suppressing their emotions is a safe and effective way to “regulate” their emotions. But, stuffing your emotions is not regulating your emotions.
Stuffing your emotions is harmful. Regulating your emotions is healthy.
Learning how to identify and express your emotions appropriately, as opposed to stuffing or denying your emotions, is the key to healthy emotion regulation.
We “stuff” our emotions when we find them too difficult to process. This works in the short term, as in an emergency where you need to set your emotions aside and handle a situation intelligently.
But if we continue to stuff emotions, it will cause a crisis in the long term. What often works and can be necessary in the short term should not necessarily be carried into the long term.
Techniques that are often successful in the short term usually backfire when used in the long term.
The replacement behavior for stuffing is: APPROPRIATE EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION.
To express an emotion appropriately, you first must identify the emotion correctly.
Most people are unfamiliar with the many nuanced emotions they feel throughout the day.
- Anger – hostility, annoyance, enragement, etc.
- Happiness – delight, merriness, elatedness, jubilance, etc.
There are many different colors and shades that expand and complicate the six basic human emotions of happiness, sadness, fear, surprise, anger, and disgust.
We would all benefit by expanding our emotional vocabulary, so that we could better identify and understand the specific emotions we experience and then could express them more appropriately.
The first step in identifying our emotions is to be more aware of them – stop stuffing them. Face them. Get to know them. This is known as “Interoceptive Awareness” – self-awareness, aware of your emotions, which is connected to your physiological responses in various situations.
Interoceptive awareness is critical for regulating your emotions.
Disruptions in interoceptive awareness contribute to various mental and physical health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and chronic pain.
Cultivating and improving your interoceptive awareness is very beneficial to your health and overall well-being.
A technique used to gain emotional awareness is the acronym: H.A.L.T.
- Hungry
- Angry
- Lonely
- Tired
You need to learn how to recognize when you are too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. These are the states in which you may be emotionally charged, but unaware of it.
This involves learning how to read your own physical and emotional responses so that you can take care of that issue before you try to solve any other problem.
One of the most important sentences that we can learn to state correctly is: “I feel _______.”
Many times, simply acknowledging the way we feel in a given situation reduces our stress level significantly and we feel better, because it gives us a sense of empowerment.
By admitting that you are feeling a certain way, you take upon yourself the responsibility of your own emotional responses.
This is essential, because what we often do under stress is attack or blame someone else for our unpleasant emotional state – for making us feel bad.
Another technique used to gain emotional awareness is: Fact, Feeling, Follow through.
In any stressful interpersonal situation:
- 1) State the FACT about the situation,
- 2) Admit how you are FEELING about the situation,
- 3) Ask for FOLLOW Though from the other person – ask them to do something differently from what they are doing in order to make the situation less stressful.
If we do not take responsibility for our feelings, and we fail to ask the other person for a change in a respectful way, we will often resort to attacking that person with an insult or an accusation -- and a power struggle ensues. Things are said inappropriately. Feelings are hurt. The relationship suffers.
So, the first step to expressing yourself appropriately (regulating your emotions) is to acknowledge your emotions when they rise up in your heart. Be able to say, “I feel (fill-in-the-blank).”
By learning how to identify and express your feelings appropriately as they arise, you will find not only a sense of freedom, but also a sense of self-mastery that you never imagined possible.
Note: Self-mastery is the victory over the formerly dysfunctional self. It is self-control or temperance in regard to harmful emotions – harmful to yourself, harmful to others, and especially harmful to your relationships.
The 6 Basic Human Emotions
Happiness: A state of well-being and contentment, often associated with joy and pleasure.
Sadness: A feeling of unhappiness, sorrow, or dejection, often triggered by loss or disappointment.
Fear: A strong emotion of apprehension or worry, often triggered by a perceived threat or danger.
Surprise: A feeling of astonishment or sudden shock, often caused by an unexpected event.
Anger: A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility, often directed at something perceived as wrong or unfair.
Disgust: A feeling of intense disapproval or revulsion, often triggered by something unpleasant or offensive.
Sadness: A feeling of unhappiness, sorrow, or dejection, often triggered by loss or disappointment.
Fear: A strong emotion of apprehension or worry, often triggered by a perceived threat or danger.
Surprise: A feeling of astonishment or sudden shock, often caused by an unexpected event.
Anger: A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility, often directed at something perceived as wrong or unfair.
Disgust: A feeling of intense disapproval or revulsion, often triggered by something unpleasant or offensive.
Many emotions overlap, and you can experience more than one emotion at the same time. But realize, emotions serve a purpose, even when they are negative. Instead of trying to change the emotions you experience, change how you react to them.
It is the emotional reaction that causes the problem, not the emotion itself.
Also realize, your choices indirectly create your emotions.
But when things happen beyond your control, use those situations to learn how to regulate your emotions and how to express yourself (your thoughts and feelings) appropriately to protect and strengthen your relationships.
It is the emotional reaction that causes the problem, not the emotion itself.
Also realize, your choices indirectly create your emotions.
- Choose to do the things that create positive emotions.
- Choose to not do the things that create negative emotions.
But when things happen beyond your control, use those situations to learn how to regulate your emotions and how to express yourself (your thoughts and feelings) appropriately to protect and strengthen your relationships.
Notes & Worksheet
Use the "Back Arrow" to return to your Previous Page.