Denial vs Truth + Faith & Hope
Video Notes
“You don’t look at where it happened. You don’t watch the films of it happening. You don’t deal with it. You pretend it never happened.” -- Scott Goodyear, Race Car Driver. “It” being the 40 deaths over the years on the racetrack of the Indianapolis 500 Speedway. This is denial.
The 5 Stages of Grieving – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Any time a disturbing reality hits us, our first impulse is to deny it, because it is too psychologically or emotionally painful to face.
Brief episodes of denial can work for us in the short term. Denial can serve as a natural, functional, healthy defense mechanism.
But if we continue to deny things over the long term, we will experience an accumulation effect of problems mounting upon problems, never faced and never resolved, and as the problems mount, our desire to avoid (by continuing to deny) them gets more intense. We can eventually get lost in a state of complete denial.
Addiction especially feeds into this denial phenomenon, because in addiction, not only does the person’s problem load accumulate – financial problems, relationship problems as a result of the addiction – but also the brain is effected in such a way that the person is not capable of working through those problems, not capable of problem solving nor of dealing with the difficult emotional issues that accompany them.
An addict will often have such a huge problem accumulation that they will finally hit what is called “the brick wall” or “rock bottom.” At that point, the addict is forced by the sheer weight of their compounded problems to face them, but unless they overcome the addiction – stop using the mind- and mood-altering substance, they will not be able to solve those accumulated problems. This is what compels them to go into treatment where they can get the help that they need.
The replacement for denial would seem to be TRUTH, but truth by itself can be too overwhelming to face. We need to mix in a little faith and hope with the truth to make it bearable.
When we are dealing with denial involved in a relationship problem, what will help the person in denial to finally acknowledge and work through the problems (the truth of their situation) is to have faith in the people who are trying to help them and to hope that the relationship can be resolved so that it can become healthy and happy, again.
Truth, in and of itself, can be too much for us to bear, but by adding faith and hope it can be made bearable, and the problems behind the wall of denial can then be resolved.
If you (or someone you know) tends to live by the Childhood Philosophy of Linus (Charlie Brown’s friend) which asserts: “No problem is so big that it can’t be run away from.”
Take counsel from the Holy Scriptures: “When I was a child,... I understood as a child..., but when I became a man (grew up), I put away childish things.” -- 1 Corinthians 13:11. It is time to grow up, to face our problems, and to work through them.
But notice what the Scripture goes on to say: “And now abideth faith, hope, and love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” -- 1 Corinthians 13:13
With faith and hope we can face the truth and work through the obstacles and difficulties in our relationships. We can achieve and maintain relationship success. We can experience what it is to love and to be loved – when faith and hope abide.
Try some faith and hope to accept the truth (and free yourself from the prison of denial), and you will learn how: “The truth shall make you free!” -- John 8:32, and why: “The greatest of these is love.”
The 5 Stages of Grieving – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Any time a disturbing reality hits us, our first impulse is to deny it, because it is too psychologically or emotionally painful to face.
Brief episodes of denial can work for us in the short term. Denial can serve as a natural, functional, healthy defense mechanism.
But if we continue to deny things over the long term, we will experience an accumulation effect of problems mounting upon problems, never faced and never resolved, and as the problems mount, our desire to avoid (by continuing to deny) them gets more intense. We can eventually get lost in a state of complete denial.
Addiction especially feeds into this denial phenomenon, because in addiction, not only does the person’s problem load accumulate – financial problems, relationship problems as a result of the addiction – but also the brain is effected in such a way that the person is not capable of working through those problems, not capable of problem solving nor of dealing with the difficult emotional issues that accompany them.
An addict will often have such a huge problem accumulation that they will finally hit what is called “the brick wall” or “rock bottom.” At that point, the addict is forced by the sheer weight of their compounded problems to face them, but unless they overcome the addiction – stop using the mind- and mood-altering substance, they will not be able to solve those accumulated problems. This is what compels them to go into treatment where they can get the help that they need.
The replacement for denial would seem to be TRUTH, but truth by itself can be too overwhelming to face. We need to mix in a little faith and hope with the truth to make it bearable.
When we are dealing with denial involved in a relationship problem, what will help the person in denial to finally acknowledge and work through the problems (the truth of their situation) is to have faith in the people who are trying to help them and to hope that the relationship can be resolved so that it can become healthy and happy, again.
Truth, in and of itself, can be too much for us to bear, but by adding faith and hope it can be made bearable, and the problems behind the wall of denial can then be resolved.
If you (or someone you know) tends to live by the Childhood Philosophy of Linus (Charlie Brown’s friend) which asserts: “No problem is so big that it can’t be run away from.”
Take counsel from the Holy Scriptures: “When I was a child,... I understood as a child..., but when I became a man (grew up), I put away childish things.” -- 1 Corinthians 13:11. It is time to grow up, to face our problems, and to work through them.
But notice what the Scripture goes on to say: “And now abideth faith, hope, and love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” -- 1 Corinthians 13:13
With faith and hope we can face the truth and work through the obstacles and difficulties in our relationships. We can achieve and maintain relationship success. We can experience what it is to love and to be loved – when faith and hope abide.
Try some faith and hope to accept the truth (and free yourself from the prison of denial), and you will learn how: “The truth shall make you free!” -- John 8:32, and why: “The greatest of these is love.”
Is Someone You Love in Denial?
It can be difficult to admit that your loved one is addicted and in denial about it. Denial is a form of delusion or self-deception. Accepting the truth is the first step of recovery from an addiction.
The truth: Addiction is a dis-ease. It is characterized by its signs and symptoms known as: “The 3 C’s”
- Pre-oCcupation: You think about it constantly. You plan your life around it. You fear being without it.
- Impaired Control: You use more of it than you want. You use it more often than you intend.
- Continued Use despite Adverse Consequences: Your use causes problems, but you can’t stop. So, you deny your use causes the problems, or you deny the problems themselves.
Do you believe (have faith) that if the person stopped their addictive behavior the relationship problems could be resolved (hopefully)?
- Are you willing to participate in the person’s Addiction Recovery Program?
- Are you willing to confront the addict with a firm ultimatum for change in a caring way?
Notes & Worksheet
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