Bitterness vs Forgiveness
Video Notes
Emotionalism is “Living by our feelings.”
Emotional Reasoning: If I feel this way, it must be so.
Emotionalism is over-interpreting our intuitions and assuming that our emotions are always accurate and never give us false information.
Intuition is a wonderful gift, but it is fallible, so it is not safe to live by our emotions or to draw conclusions based on emotion alone. At the same time, we need to value our emotions – like 2-year-olds.
We love our 2-year-olds. We listen to our 2-year-olds. We pay attention to our 2-year-olds, but we do not let our 2-year-olds drive the car. We keep them in the back in a safety seat.
The same with emotions. Listen to your emotions, value your emotions, but do not let your emotions drive the car (make your decisions), or you will end up in a ditch.
The replacement behavior for Emotionalism is: LIVING BY PRINCIPLE.
Motion leads to emotion, so when living (moving, acting) by principle our emotions will align with those principled actions, and we will get an emotional reward (positive feelings) by living by those principles.
Acting on principle leads us to believe in what we are doing.
Don’t “Fake it, until you make it.” You don’t want to be phony, but you can “Faith it, until you make it.” Act on principle by faith and your feelings will soon align with those principled actions.
Another way to combat emotionalism is CBT: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Life events for many people lead to negative emotions. But there is something that can mediate between those life events and circumstances and those emotions – cognitive processing = the way we think about those life events and circumstances.
Although we cannot directly change our emotions, you can change your thoughts (and change your actions) despite your emotions. Then your emotions will follow those thoughts and actions.
In CBT we work with people who exhibit various forms of distorted thinking, which conjure up all sorts of negative and misguiding emotions. You can learn how to make yourself accountable for misinterpreting (distorting) the events and circumstances in your life.
The common types of Distorted Thinking include:
Catastrophizing – Making things much worse than they really are.
Mind Reading – Thinking you know what another person is thinking, when you really don’t know.
Negative Filtering – Focusing only on the negative.
Over-Generalizing – Thinking that someone who makes a mistake must be an idiot, when yes, people can make mistakes, but everyone has redeeming qualities, as well.
Dichotomous Thinking – Black & White Thinking: Camping is either completely fun or completely miserable.
Should’s – Seeing life and the world though “Should Glasses” – Thinking how people or events should be as opposed to accepting them how they are. This mindset really backfires, because the more you should people, the less influence you have over them.
Personalizing – Taking responsibility for (and trying to “fix”) something that someone else has done.
Blaming – Placing a fault or a result on someone else that belongs to you.
Unfair Comparisons – Comparing yourself to someone else in a superficial manner to make you look or feel better (or sometimes look or feel worse).
Learn how to recognize distorted thinking, then replace it with healthy, balanced thinking. This helps you learn how to tell yourself the truth and act on it appropriately.
Once you are thinking more clearly, your emotions start to match your thought life, and you start to feel better.
So, living by principle involves thinking correctly on principle and acting on principle.
Your emotions will follow your correct thoughts and actions, and you will end up truly feeling what you are thinking and living, instead of living and thinking what you are mistakenly feeling.
Emotional Reasoning: If I feel this way, it must be so.
- If I feel guilty, I must be guilty.
- If I feel that person doesn’t like me, then that person doesn’t like me.
Emotionalism is over-interpreting our intuitions and assuming that our emotions are always accurate and never give us false information.
Intuition is a wonderful gift, but it is fallible, so it is not safe to live by our emotions or to draw conclusions based on emotion alone. At the same time, we need to value our emotions – like 2-year-olds.
We love our 2-year-olds. We listen to our 2-year-olds. We pay attention to our 2-year-olds, but we do not let our 2-year-olds drive the car. We keep them in the back in a safety seat.
The same with emotions. Listen to your emotions, value your emotions, but do not let your emotions drive the car (make your decisions), or you will end up in a ditch.
The replacement behavior for Emotionalism is: LIVING BY PRINCIPLE.
Motion leads to emotion, so when living (moving, acting) by principle our emotions will align with those principled actions, and we will get an emotional reward (positive feelings) by living by those principles.
Acting on principle leads us to believe in what we are doing.
Don’t “Fake it, until you make it.” You don’t want to be phony, but you can “Faith it, until you make it.” Act on principle by faith and your feelings will soon align with those principled actions.
Another way to combat emotionalism is CBT: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Life events for many people lead to negative emotions. But there is something that can mediate between those life events and circumstances and those emotions – cognitive processing = the way we think about those life events and circumstances.
Although we cannot directly change our emotions, you can change your thoughts (and change your actions) despite your emotions. Then your emotions will follow those thoughts and actions.
In CBT we work with people who exhibit various forms of distorted thinking, which conjure up all sorts of negative and misguiding emotions. You can learn how to make yourself accountable for misinterpreting (distorting) the events and circumstances in your life.
The common types of Distorted Thinking include:
Catastrophizing – Making things much worse than they really are.
Mind Reading – Thinking you know what another person is thinking, when you really don’t know.
Negative Filtering – Focusing only on the negative.
Over-Generalizing – Thinking that someone who makes a mistake must be an idiot, when yes, people can make mistakes, but everyone has redeeming qualities, as well.
Dichotomous Thinking – Black & White Thinking: Camping is either completely fun or completely miserable.
Should’s – Seeing life and the world though “Should Glasses” – Thinking how people or events should be as opposed to accepting them how they are. This mindset really backfires, because the more you should people, the less influence you have over them.
Personalizing – Taking responsibility for (and trying to “fix”) something that someone else has done.
Blaming – Placing a fault or a result on someone else that belongs to you.
Unfair Comparisons – Comparing yourself to someone else in a superficial manner to make you look or feel better (or sometimes look or feel worse).
Learn how to recognize distorted thinking, then replace it with healthy, balanced thinking. This helps you learn how to tell yourself the truth and act on it appropriately.
Once you are thinking more clearly, your emotions start to match your thought life, and you start to feel better.
So, living by principle involves thinking correctly on principle and acting on principle.
Your emotions will follow your correct thoughts and actions, and you will end up truly feeling what you are thinking and living, instead of living and thinking what you are mistakenly feeling.
Notes & Worksheet
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