Avoidance vs Action
Video Notes
“I cannot get myself to do the things that I know I should be doing. I am just not motivated.”
But you are motivated. You are motivated to sit on the couch, instead of getting up and exercising. Or you are motivated to talk on the phone, instead of clean that room that needs to be cleaned. You are always motivated. The question is: Motivated to do what?
All behavior is operative. You are either trying to avoid something, or you are trying to obtain something.
The “classic” things we typically avoid are things like healthy eating, exercising, cleaning, organizing our lives, doing certain non-preferred tasks, and finally, what is probably highest on our list... We tend to avoid having difficult conversations.
Having that difficult conversation with someone that you have a little bit of a conflict, maybe about things that you need to iron out. People just really don’t want to do that. They tend to catastrophize that conversation into something horrible, and so we avoid it, even though it often proves to be deeply therapeutic.
It is important to realize (by faith) that following through on doing the right things, getting that exercise, making that healthy meal, cleaning that room, having that conversation, doing the right things pay HUGE dividends.
You feel so good when you actually follow through on the things your fallen nature doesn’t particularly want to do, but your spiritual self knows you should. So, how to get yourself from point A to point B?
The replacement behavior for Avoidance is: ACTION.
God has given us this amazing thing called “free will.” The exceptions to typical human behavior in avoiding the right things to do indicate that we do have freedom of choice. (This is a powerful form of witnessing.)
But, we must train ourselves to use our free will to go against our natural tendencies. This is a difficult thing to do, because we are not naturally motivated to do the right thing.
This challenge is particularly difficult in a condition called learned helplessness. There are some people that have great difficulty being pro-active in their lives and “taking control” by asserted their free will. These individuals are often victims of trauma or abuse.
Learned helplessness often appears in a condition called “Borderline Personality Disorder” (BPD). These people seem to have little to no impulse control and will often act out in very self-destructive ways.
BPD was considered “untreatable” by psychologists until “Dialectical Behavioral Therapy” was developed, which is essentially training the will.
You can learn how to go directly against your inclinations through an exercise called “Opposite Action.” Instead of binging on cookies, go for a walk. Instead of going to the shopping mall – wasting time and money, go volunteer at a soup kitchen.
Do the exact opposite of what you “feel” like doing.
Recommendation: Make a list. Lists help us follow through on what we call “non-preferred” tasks.
Lists help us in a very interesting way: Every time you accomplish something and check it off your list, you get a little dopamine boost in your brain – it feels good. When you complete an entire list, it feels GREAT!
Put your non-preferred tasks on a list – the things you have been avoiding. When you “surrender” your right to avoid it, denying your self-will, and take action to check each item off that list, you will clearly realize that your preference to avoid it was wrong and foolish, and the choice to act on it was right and wise.
As you train yourself to go against your nature, you trick your brain out of thinking that you don’t want to do those non-preferred tasks, because your true Spirit-filled self actually does.
But you are motivated. You are motivated to sit on the couch, instead of getting up and exercising. Or you are motivated to talk on the phone, instead of clean that room that needs to be cleaned. You are always motivated. The question is: Motivated to do what?
All behavior is operative. You are either trying to avoid something, or you are trying to obtain something.
The “classic” things we typically avoid are things like healthy eating, exercising, cleaning, organizing our lives, doing certain non-preferred tasks, and finally, what is probably highest on our list... We tend to avoid having difficult conversations.
Having that difficult conversation with someone that you have a little bit of a conflict, maybe about things that you need to iron out. People just really don’t want to do that. They tend to catastrophize that conversation into something horrible, and so we avoid it, even though it often proves to be deeply therapeutic.
It is important to realize (by faith) that following through on doing the right things, getting that exercise, making that healthy meal, cleaning that room, having that conversation, doing the right things pay HUGE dividends.
You feel so good when you actually follow through on the things your fallen nature doesn’t particularly want to do, but your spiritual self knows you should. So, how to get yourself from point A to point B?
The replacement behavior for Avoidance is: ACTION.
God has given us this amazing thing called “free will.” The exceptions to typical human behavior in avoiding the right things to do indicate that we do have freedom of choice. (This is a powerful form of witnessing.)
But, we must train ourselves to use our free will to go against our natural tendencies. This is a difficult thing to do, because we are not naturally motivated to do the right thing.
This challenge is particularly difficult in a condition called learned helplessness. There are some people that have great difficulty being pro-active in their lives and “taking control” by asserted their free will. These individuals are often victims of trauma or abuse.
Learned helplessness often appears in a condition called “Borderline Personality Disorder” (BPD). These people seem to have little to no impulse control and will often act out in very self-destructive ways.
BPD was considered “untreatable” by psychologists until “Dialectical Behavioral Therapy” was developed, which is essentially training the will.
You can learn how to go directly against your inclinations through an exercise called “Opposite Action.” Instead of binging on cookies, go for a walk. Instead of going to the shopping mall – wasting time and money, go volunteer at a soup kitchen.
Do the exact opposite of what you “feel” like doing.
Recommendation: Make a list. Lists help us follow through on what we call “non-preferred” tasks.
Lists help us in a very interesting way: Every time you accomplish something and check it off your list, you get a little dopamine boost in your brain – it feels good. When you complete an entire list, it feels GREAT!
Put your non-preferred tasks on a list – the things you have been avoiding. When you “surrender” your right to avoid it, denying your self-will, and take action to check each item off that list, you will clearly realize that your preference to avoid it was wrong and foolish, and the choice to act on it was right and wise.
As you train yourself to go against your nature, you trick your brain out of thinking that you don’t want to do those non-preferred tasks, because your true Spirit-filled self actually does.
Matthew 26:41 - Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
You always have a choice. Make the tough one – the one Christ wants you to make, the one that builds your character and frees you from your natural (dysfunctional) tendencies.
Your free will is like a present, because you must open it and use it to appreciate it.
Learn how to take action in doing what you know is right. Pray about it. Experiment with it. Do it by faith.
Make your list and rely on the grace of Christ for both the desire and the strength to follow through on it.
This is how you grow in Christ. You will feel so much better about yourself, about what was accomplished, and especially about your closer walk and more meaningful relationship with Jesus.
Open your presents.
Your free will is like a present, because you must open it and use it to appreciate it.
Learn how to take action in doing what you know is right. Pray about it. Experiment with it. Do it by faith.
Make your list and rely on the grace of Christ for both the desire and the strength to follow through on it.
This is how you grow in Christ. You will feel so much better about yourself, about what was accomplished, and especially about your closer walk and more meaningful relationship with Jesus.
Open your presents.
Notes & Worksheet
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